i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
