I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
