you guys were way drunker than both of me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
