dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
