you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
