just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
