Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
