Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
