Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
