8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
