Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
