do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
