How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
