yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I want her autograph on my taint
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
