One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
