I think my fart just growled at me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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