I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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