Non-Jews are for practice
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
