I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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