After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
