she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
