Me too!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
