She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
