Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
