Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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