There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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