We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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