Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
