God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
