So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
