I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
