People in love make me want to vomit
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
