i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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