1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
