Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
