so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
