why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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