I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
