I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
