Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
