don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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