Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
