ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
