she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
