I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
