would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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