Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
