We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
