Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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