"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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